Love Me If You Dare Read online

  “Where are we going?” I asked, stifling a yawn. The sun was still rising in the bright blue morning sky—man, but it was early.

  “Climbing.” Dylan’s grin was evident even in profile. Clearly, he was excited about the prospect.

  I grimaced. I wasn’t feeling nearly as enthusiastic. I’d be lucky if I didn’t fall right off the mountain.

  “Here.” Dylan handed me a paper bag, then shifted the truck into gear.

  “What’s this?” I asked even as I opened the bag. Dylan sighed with more than a hint of exasperation.

  “Do you ever stop asking questions?” He cast a sidelong glance at me, but I didn’t think he was actually upset.

  “Hmpf.” My inquisitive fingers dipped into the bag and pulled out... “You made me breakfast?”

  “You need energy for what we’re going to be doing.” He smirked at me, the double entendre not lost on him.

  I rolled my eyes in response. Peeling back the plastic wrap, I poked at the sandwich inside.

  “What is it?” I smiled up at him—I’d eat it, whatever it was, but I couldn’t resist poking some fun at him.

  “Egg whites with spinach and tomato on a multi grain bagel.” He narrowed his eyes, daring me to comment. “Why? Don’t you like eggs?”

  I snickered. I couldn’t help it.

  “Dylan McKay, reformed bad boy of Fish Lake, made me a sandwich with egg whites and spinach.” I grinned. “Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.”

  He hummed with exasperation.

  “And what do you usually eat for breakfast? Froot Loops?” He sounded mildly amused. “What did you have yesterday?”

  “Nacho chips and licorice.” I retorted. “And coffee. Please tell me you drink coffee. It’s not human to refrain.”

  I bit into the sandwich, which was better than it should have been, and turned to watch as he closed his eyes for a fraction of a second.

  “Kaylee, that’s not healthy. Especially not with the amount of alcohol you probably consume.” His words were even, but I started, the arrows driving home.

  He was judging me again. He had no right.

  “Why would you assume that I’m some kind of lush?” I did, in fact, drink more than was probably healthy, but it was college. I certainly wasn’t the only one.

  And Dylan didn’t know that. I didn’t appreciate the assumption.

  “Forget I said anything.” His voice was tight. “You’re right. I shouldn’t assume.”

  The bagel was suddenly dry as sand in my mouth, difficult to swallow.

  “Forgotten.” It was hard to hold on to my mad when he was right. Still, the rest of the ride to the lake passed in tense silence.

  Dylan skirted the lake with the truck, finally pulling to a stop in front of a short rock face that I’d sometimes seen people trying to climb when I was younger.

  Short rock face... well, now that I knew I was going to be climbing it myself, it looked a hell of a lot bigger.

  “Are you sure this is a good idea?” I tugged at the end of my ponytail as I stood, staring up at the sheet of rock, from which dangled lengths of rope. As if sensing my discomfiture, Poose came and nuzzled my hand with her cold nose before running off to jump in the lake.

  “We’re going to do toe rope climbing today. It’s a good starting point.” The expression on Dylan’s face was reassuring, but I had a helluva vivid imagination. “I’ve set up an anchor system at the top. A rope runs from a belayer at the bottom, up through some carabiners connected to the anchor system, and back down to you. It’s attached to you with a harness.”

  “Is that English?” I frowned, using irritability to cover my nerves. “What if I fall?”

  “If you fall, it will be a very short distance before the ropes catch you.” He cast me a cool look when I snorted.

  “A short distance. Oh, great.” My stomach rolled over slowly, causing nausea to roll in my gut. “This isn’t really my kind of thing, you know.”

  “And what is your kind of thing?” He beckoned me over and held up something comprised of strips that looked like they might fit a waist and each leg. With firm, completely non sexual touches he helped me into the contraption.

  His fingers didn’t linger anywhere, but I shivered regardless.

  “You guessed it,” I said lightly as he moved away to tug at the ropes. When he wasn’t in my space, I missed his heat. “Partying. Friends. You know.”

  He didn’t make any judge-y comments this time. Instead he nodded at the sight of me in the harness.

  “All the more reason you should give this a try. It’ll be good for you.”

  I barely refrained from rolling my eyes.

  “I hate to point out the obvious, but I’m an adult. I can decide for myself what’s good for me.” And you are definitely not it, I added silently.

  I wasn’t even sure why I was going along with this. Actually, I was.

  I craved the feeling I got when I was around Dylan, craved it like a drug. No matter if we were having dinner, eyeing each other across Jax’s garage, or about to scale a mountain—I liked how he made me feel.

  When he wasn’t judging me, at any rate.

  “All right. Let’s go.” With a tug on the rope attached to my harness, Dylan pulled me over to where he stood, right at the base of the rock. He gestured towards the granite face and nodded, a grin of excitement on his face.

  “Go, how, exactly?” I eyed the rock with trepidation, trying to channel my inner Spiderman. Dylan handed me the balled up Day-Glo gloves that I’d brought from home, and I smoothed them over sweaty fingers.

  “Just climb, Kaylee.” Those long fingers slid over the wall, pointing out several cracks and ledges in the stone. “Lodge a hand, a foot, wherever you can. Use your arms, your legs. And just climb.”

  You’re got to be kidding me. Just climb?

  Something flickered across Dylan’s face as he watched me battle down my nerves.

  He didn’t think I was going to do it. And the Kaylee he used to know wouldn’t have—she would have pronounced the entire exercise dangerous and would have refused to climb. Hell, she wouldn’t have even gotten in the truck with Dylan back at the house, not without knowing what he was planning.

  That sealed me resolve. I’d show him—I’d prove that while I might have started acting out as a way to keep my sister alive, now it was just a part of who I was.

  Spying a small crack at the base of the rock, I jammed my foot in. My sneakers weren’t the greatest quality, and I could feel the pressure of the rock on my toes.

  I ignored it and lifted my head, searching for a hand hold.

  “Up and to your right.” Dylan coached quietly. I took the one he suggested, though I didn’t reply. I found another hand hold, another one for my feet, and pulled.

  And then I was off the ground. I was only up a foot or so, clinging to the rock so hard that my fingers hurt.

  But I was up. I had started.

  I hadn’t expected to feel anything but fear, but a surge of triumph shot through me, a white hot bolt of heat.

  Turning away from Dylan so that he couldn’t see, I allowed a small grin to break out. I was pretty sure he’d thought that I wouldn’t do it. Was pretty sure that this was all an exercise to demonstrate that the girl he’d once known was still in there, somewhere.

  Well, she was, I mused as I struggled up another half foot. But I was different, too.

  Up a bit more, then more again. My arms began to shake from holding up my weight. Little jolts of terror sliced through my muscles whenever my fingers slipped from their hold.

  The ledge was just above my head. I could hear Dylan shouting encouragement at me from below, could hear Poose’s excited bark.

  He said I can’t fall.

  Will he catch me if I do?

  “Shit.” I hissed out the curse as I clamped my first hand onto the ledge. My left leg slipped and dangled, and I screeched as I was forced to rely on that one arm until I could grab hold with the other.

&n
bsp; After scraping my elbow, and a lot of swearing, I finally managed to pull myself up enough to bend at the waist. I lunged forward, rolling over the ground until I lay on my back, staring up at the early morning sky.

  The blue was so bright it hurt my eyes, the sun a ball of tangerine fire. For a moment I simply stared and panted, trying to catch my breath.

  Swimming once every few weeks to prove a point was clearly not enough physical activity.

  “Kaylee?” Dylan’s voice sounded from below, slightly alarmed. “Are you okay?”

  I shuffled over to the edge, planting my hands so that I could stare over.

  “I—” My words were caught in my throat when I looked down. I couldn’t have been more than twenty feet up, but it looked hella high from the top.

  “I’m fine.” I finally managed, slowly climbing to my feet. As I stood and looked out over the lake, the water calm and familiar, something—peace maybe?—washed over me.

  In that moment I understood why Dylan did this. I’d only gotten high a time or two in my life, and I’d certainly never done anything serious, but the results had been similar to this.

  Pure, floaty happiness.

  Raising my arms into a victory V, I screamed out into the morning air, the sound dissolving into laughter. When I looked down, Dylan’s expression told me that he thought I’d lost my mind.

  I grinned down at him.

  “I’m just enjoying myself. I’m not crazy.”

  He nodded, that face sealing itself over with stoicism once again. I would have paid a lot more than a penny for his thoughts.

  “How do I get down?” I actually kinda wanted to just stay up there, at least for a while.

  I couldn’t. I had friends in town, friends who were probably wondering where the hell I’d disappeared to. And I needed to start job hunting. I couldn’t hang out on a mountain all day.

  But I already knew I’d be back.

  “Hang on to the rope, lower yourself over the edge. Plant your feet on the wall and walk down. I’ll be lowering you.”

  I was dubious about how easy he made it sound, but this time when the frissons came, they were excited rather than scared.

  Going down was faster than going up. Before I was ready, I was on the ground, red faced and panting.

  “How was that?” Dylan asked, a smirk curling the corners of his lips.

  I bit back my answering smile and shrugged with nonchalance. “Oh, you know. It was okay.”

  Reaching out with one hand, he ran his fingers through a curl that had escaped my ponytail. His knuckles grazed my cheek, and I felt myself grow even warmer.

  Is he going to kiss me again?

  God, I hoped so.

  No! The shreds of my sanity screamed.

  I ignored them.

  “My turn.” Instead of leaning forward into the touch, Dylan broke away to face the wall. Without bothering to strap himself into the harness that I was struggling out of, he began to scale the wall.

  I knew I was ogling him as I watched him climb. Any woman with two brain cells to rub together would have. The sun had continued to climb, and its pale lemon light highlighted his muscles, the sharp planes of them stretched tight beneath tanned skin.

  He got to the top much quicker and more gracefully than I had. I could feel my pulse pounding as I watched him.

  “Damn.” I whispered. He seemed so incredibly sure of himself.

  We had both lost Ella. I had spiralled out of control.

  Dylan had pulled his shit together.

  I wasn’t quite sure what to think.

  Shaking away the troubling thoughts, I shaded my eyes and looked up. Dylan was doing the same thing, blocking his eyes from the sun, looking down at me.

  “What are you thinking?” he asked. His expression was intent, like he was trying to see into my mind.

  “What are you thinking,” I called up to him, sidestepping the question.

  He ran his hand through his hair, ruffling the strands in the exact way that I wanted to.

  He exhaled deeply before replying. “I’m wondering who the real Kaylee is.” Even through the distance of the top of the rock face to the bottom, I felt myself pinned by those gorgeous eyes.

  I should have been irritated, but this time there was no judgment in his tone. Going around about how much we’d both changed wasn’t going to be productive, but still it was there, a barrier that was invisible, scentless and tasteless yet ever present.

  “People change, Dylan.” I swallowed hard as my sister’s face swam before my eyes. Her life had been cut off. I’d never know how she would have changed. Would never know if she’d have managed to pull herself out of the quicksand of drugs and mental illness in which she’d mired herself, or if she’d have only gotten worse.

  “I know they do.” Dylan’s voice was rough. I think he knew where my thoughts had travelled.

  “You’ve changed.” I continued. How could I make him see that I’d done what I needed to do to survive? I wasn’t the polar opposite of my twin anymore, true enough.

  But I wasn’t about to change back. This was me now, for better or for worse.

  Dylan didn’t reply. I held his gaze as an idea slid into my mind.

  “This is me, Dylan. The real me.” Continuing to hold his stare, I fisted suddenly sweaty hands in the hem of my tank top.

  I saw his eyes widen, just the smallest fraction, and then the view was cut off by the soft weave of my shirt.

  I peeled it off and tossed it to the ground.

  “What are you doing, Kaylee?” Dylan asked, his voice wary.

  “I’m being me,” I replied. My pulse began to pound, hot and fast, as I reached around to unhook the clasp of my sports bra.

  “Kaylee.” Dylan’s voice was harsh, tight. I flipped my hair out of my face and looked back up.

  Something pulsed in the air between us as I covered my naked breasts and slowly tossed my sports bra on top of my shirt.

  “Kaylee,” he said again, and I knew that I wasn’t imagining the need that colored his voice.

  Nerves skittered along my skin as I slowly shoved my yoga pants down my hips to pool at my feet. I considered sending my purple lace panties down with them, so that I was truly skinny dipping, but I lost my nerve.

  I dropped my hands, then watched Dylan’s mouth fall open, probably with shock. Before he could see much more than a glimpse, I spun and ran into the water.

  I heard him groan, or maybe he was shouting at me. But I waded into the lake, the cold water giving me goose bumps and making my nipples contract.

  Ducking under the surface of the water as soon as I was in deep enough, I shielded my eyes from the glare of the sun off the water and looked back at the shore.

  Dylan was reversing his climb surely, steadily. My heart threatened to choke me when I remembered that he wasn’t wearing a harness and that if he slipped he could have broken his neck.

  “Stupid, Kaylee. That was stupid.” I stood and started back, feeling ridiculous. I should have stayed there so he didn’t have to climb down by himself. People climbed in partners, didn’t they? If they didn’t, they should.

  But he was at the bottom before I could climb back onto the sand. He turned, tossed the rope he’d held against the wall, and met my stare.

  “This is a dangerous game.” As with the kiss the night before, he gave me a chance to change my mind, poised to take off his shirt but waiting for me to give him the go ahead.

  “I know what I want, Dylan.” What I wanted was to watch him strip, to see that golden skin exposed just for me.

  Instead I turned and began to wade in deeper, looking over my shoulder once with a nervous smile, to tell Dylan that I wanted him to follow me.

  Though the water only reached to my shoulders, and I could have stood, I treaded water and watched Dylan stalk through the water. His T-shirt and track pants were lying beside mine on the sand, and knowing that he was all but naked caused something needy to coil tightly in my belly.

  “What a
re you doing, Kaylee?” Instead of reaching for me, as I’d expected—and kind of hoped—Dylan mimicked my stance, ducking into the water to his chin.

  “What’s wrong with some change, Dylan?” My voice trembled, and I told myself that it was just from the chill of the water.

  He moved closer to me, close enough that I could feel the warmth of his breath misting over my lips.

  “Nothing is wrong with change.” He replied, brushing his knees against mine under the water. “As long as you’re the person you’re really supposed to be. As long as you’re not just trying to keep someone else’s memory alive.”

  I saw his hand moving, a flash of golden white sliding through the water. Then his fingers were cupping the back of my neck, wet and cold and slippery and right.

  I tilted my head up to welcome the press of his lips against mine. Instead of the touch I was expecting, he pressed that cool mouth against my temple, the touch tender enough to make me shiver.

  Pulling me closer, he slid his lips over the plane of my cheekbone, along the line of my jaw, then finally over to my lips.

  “Kaylee.” He spoke against my lips, and the flick of his tongue as he spoke made me squirm.

  I moaned softly in response, pushing forward until our bodies were aligned. Dylan let a choked sound escape his throat when my breasts met the hard muscles of his chest, when my belly pressed into his pelvis.

  Slowly, slowly his free hand clasped my waist, then played up over my ribs, one by one. I tensed, knowing where that hand was going.

  Wanting it. Craving it.

  “Dylan!” I gasped as his large, work hardened hand finally covered my breast. He moved with torturous slowness, weighing the flesh, massaging over the nipple that had contracted to the point of pain.

  “I’ve dreamed about this,” He spoke into my hair, the hand at the back of my neck sliding down to splay over my back, pushing me even closer against him. I moaned when I felt the evidence of his arousal, the hard length a contrast against the swell of my belly.

  I was relieved that he’d left his underwear on, adding a second layer to our self control. But at the same time, as I instinctively pressed the lace covered area between my legs against his erection, I wanted everything from him—everything.